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#13

published: 2018-01-01T00:37:37+01:00

So it is that time of the year where we celebrate being in an arbitrary point of the Earth’s orbit around the Sun, chosen years ago by somebody.

I am being told that having an interval of time like this helps people have closure, put things behind them, renew their hope for a better future.

Maybe that is the reason I don’t feel any urge to celebrate? I don’t feel any closure. The life’s all the same. Plenty of people wanted 2017 to end quickly. Plenty wanted the same for 2016. But does it mean the world’s taking a turn for worse? I don’t believe it. Bad things always happen. Good things always happen.

As for the hope for future, I don’t really have any, and none of my projects have seen any meaningful progress, so this feeling is going to stay for a longer while. Systemd is shit, JavaScript is run on our computers by whoever we try to get information from, and my CompSci studies feel pointless.

I will end up at a corporation, programming things that solve nothing about issues I care about, or things that go straight against my personal views. Or perhaps I’ll end up a starving freelancer, because why would anyone want a website without all the flashy moving things that make it less readable. Of course, there are options in between those two extremes, but they all boil down to an inner conflict of views.

I fail to accept what I have, but I also fail to come up with solutions to the problems, and to deliver the determination necessary to go through with them. Year after year.